Debunking the soulmate myth

The idea that there is one perfect person for each one of us, is too alluring not to consider. 

We wonder who they are; when we will meet them; we wonder if the one we’re with is our soulmate. We expect them to be perfect; to read our thoughts and complete our sentences. The fact that most people never experience this kind of relationship does not deter us from searching for “The One”.

This search for the one perfect person; could be the very reason so many people are alone or unhappy with their partners. If we’re searching for the myth, we could miss the person that is right for us, who may be right in front of you. 

We have an expectation that this one special person is going to understand us perfectly; want exactly the same things that we do; have the same beliefs and always agree with us. This kind of relationship not only doesn’t exist; it would be inordinately boring. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who is exactly like you.

We need to first accept that we are meant to learn and grow throughout our lives. We are here to become the best version of ourselves and fulfil our purpose and potential. So the right partner is the one that will inspire, challenge and support you to fulfil your destiny. 

A soulmate will trigger your healing. They will reflect to you both your light and dark sides; and yes, we all have both. If we deny our dark side it rises up in unconscious behaviours, addictions and self-sabotage. If we want to prove to the world that we are only good, then we cannot heal the aspects of ourselves that are in pain.

While soulmates definitely exist and give us a sense of belonging and being deeply loved and understood; neither they nor us are perfect human beings meant to complete each other. 

You can only become whole by acknowledging and accepting all aspects of yourself and no other person can make you whole. We need to understand that just as we have our flaws; our soulmate will have their flaws too. A truly healthy relationship means seeing each other for who you truly are rather than what you wish the other person would be. A soulmate compliments you, but will never complete you.

The next myth is that you are meant to be together forever. Your soulmate is here to activate your soul. They help you align with your highest self and serve your purpose in the world. 

Some stay for a lifetime; some are there to help you move your life in a new direction; some are there to bring a child into your life and some may touch your life in a profound way just for a moment. Soulmates are not just romantic partners. They also come in the form of a friend, relative, spiritual uplifter or work colleague.

Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker

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